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Domestic violence is an epidemic that is sweeping the nation and can include any or all of the following types of abuse by a parent, child, spouse, or lover.
One type of domestic abuse involves hurtful physical acts that include pinching, slapping, beating, kicking, punching, pulling of the hair, and the actual use of weapons. These weapons can include but are not limited to knifes, guns, belts, bats, vehicles, cigarettes or lighters, curling irons, hammers, tire irons or gardening tools.
Another type of abuse is sexual in nature. A few examples of sexual abuse include rape, forced or coerced sexual acts, incest, molestation, fondling, forced viewing or participation of pornography, sexual jokes and even insults concerning the victim’s sexuality or performance.
The hardest abuse to prove is that of a psychological nature. The intentional degradation of self-esteem by insults or belittling conduct as well as excessive limitations or control over another person’s behavior, financial freedom, or interaction with others.
Domestic violence and abuse knows no boundaries as far as race, religion, age, sex, geographic location, sexual orientation, or financial and social standing.
Parents abuse children, children abuse elderly parents, husbands or lovers abuse women and yes, women abuse men and other women.
The following are a few of the statistics concerning domestic abuse:
1. Of the four million women who are physically abused, an estimated 960,000 cases involved a spouse, boyfriend or girl friend.
2. One in three female children will be sexually abused before the age of twelve. Close family members or acquaintances will perpetrate Seventy percent of these abuse cases.
3. Women are five to eight times more likely to be abused by a spouse or lover or approximately twenty-one percent of all violent crimes against women.
4. Spouse or lover abuse is estimated at two percent of the violent crimes against men.
5. Men perpetrate ninety-two percent of all domestic violence or abuse against women.
6. Statistics show husbands or boyfriends commit thirteen thousand violent acts against women in their workplace every year.
7. Studies of fourteen to seventeen year old girls suggest up to forty percent of them report knowing someone who has been hit or beaten by their boyfriend.
8. In 1996, 150,000 instances of domestic violence against men involved abuse by a spouse of lover.
9. More than half the female victims of domestic violence report having children at home under the age of twelve.
10. Children, who observed domestic violence or have been abused themselves, are at a greater risk of continuing the cycle.
There are types of abusive relationships that don’t involve forced sexual acts or beatings. A few symptoms of these relationships are:
1. Stopping all contact between you and your family or friends.
2. Controlling where you go, who you see, and what you do as well as placing time limits, checking up or interrogating you after trips to even such places as the grocery or school to pick up children.
3. Forces you to give up total control of your paycheck or Social Security income.
4. Forces you to ask of any money or the refusal to give any even if you earned the income.
5. Threatens you with taking your children by claiming you are an unfit parent.
6. Makes all household decisions concerning everything from cleaning schedules to major purchases without any consultation.
7. Destroys your personal property, punch holes in walls, shatter furniture or glassware, and/or threatens to or actually kills your pets.
8. Blames his or her temper and abuse on you or acts like the violence isn’t any big deal to begin with.
Men and women who have stayed with a violently abusive partner are often asked why they stayed. Some of the most common answers are “for the sake of their children,” “religious beliefs or fear of excommunication,” and the “fear that the abuser will come looking for them to kill them.”
In the past, all types of domestic abuse was quietly swept under the rug and ignored by society. Thankfully the attitudes of the general public and the legal systems are changing. Police are responding to “domestic affair” calls, taking and filing reports and helping the victim to receive protection against her abuser. Husband’s rights aren’t all encompassing and courts are willing to issue restraining orders when considered necessary after being presented with documentation.
Many cities around the world have battered women’s shelters to give temporary haven to the abused women and children. These places usually have a security system set up, counseling services, aid for job placement, as well as legal resources and information.
These half-way houses or shelters are not a long-term solution though. Many limit the days you can stay in the complex as well as the allowed age of minor male children and while they will aid you in getting away from your abuser, it is ultimately up to you as to what is eventually done.
Only you can decide to take the drastic step and get out of the situation. It will also be up to you as to whether charges are actually pressed against the perpetrator since it is highly unlikely the District Attorney will see his way to prosecute when the victim has decided it isn’t what she or he wants.
It takes a great deal of courage for a victim of domestic abuse to step forward and make a conscious decision to take a stand against a violent spouse or lover. It takes even more to stand before a judge and tell the story of the abuse while wondering how you will be able to keep a home and food available for yourself and children.
In the end though, those who take that first step towards becoming a survivor instead of a victim will hopefully find a life filled with hope and promise instead of one of constant fear and pain.
Resources:
For Women:
National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women
125 S. 9th Street
Suite 302
Philadelphia, PA 19107
The United Way Foundation’s Project Against Domestic Abuse
P.O. Box 9432
Canton, Ohio 44711-9432
For Gay Men
Community United Against Violence (CUAV)
973 Market Street, Suite 500
San Francisco, CA 94103
For Lesbians:
Lesbian Battering Intervention Project
Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women
1821 University Ave.; Ste. F112
St Paul, MN 55104
National Domestic Violence Hotline
For Jewish victims of domestic violence:
New York City: JBFCS Family Violence
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